serperiority | [S1 Trip and younger Gold, closed to gold

The warm colours of autumnal leaves and the crisp, cool air of the changing season was similar, but not the same as it was in Unova, but even if it was, without him here, it simply wasn’t going be the same. The festival, too, for all the nostalgia it invoked in him, if it wasn’t going to lead him any closer to Alder or defeating him, it wasn’t something he should concern himself with now. He needed to train.
Things like eating sweets or enjoying the sights and sounds of a festival was for children and had no place on an adult’s world, Trip decided, and walked on.

… even with these thoughts, he still paused, briefly, here and there, to take photographs. The beauty of this season was ephemeral and while he no longer had any place here, he couldn’t ignore it or the way it made him feel, even as pursuing his goal overtook anything else…

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From:

serperiority

Vanillite did not like being snapped at, looked shocked, then started to bawl.

Great going, Gold.

From:

gold_drum

Gold stares, shocked. He kind of bluescreens for a moment, not knowing what he should do here. Mycen panics too, making little upset chittering noises.

What does somebody do when someone starts wailing out loud? Well, Gold's first instinct is, unfortunately, to copy the person he's spent the most time around: His mother.

"Quit fucking crying, you brat!!" he screams. "Nobody cares if you're sad! You're just tiring yourself out!"

From:

serperiority

That… was the worst possible thing for Trip to hear, returning to the room.

Trip loved his Vanillite, even if he tried to distance himself from his Pokemon and even his own emotions, he couldn’t take anyone hurting Vanillite’s feelings, much less screaming filth at her and making her cry…!

In a blind fury, he stormed in and did something he would regret immediately after: he raised his hand to slap Gold.

From:

gold_drum

When Gold realizes Trip entered, he immediately notices the shift in his mood. He knows what's coming, even if he doesn't understand why. So when Trip storms towards him, Gold flinches and curls up into himself before Trip's even raised his hand, bracing for a hit. The empty sandwich wrapper falls from his hands and onto the floor.

From:

serperiority

Seeing the genuine fear, fortunately, was enough to call Trip back to reality and force him to look at what he was doing.

He felt sick, but still furious at Gold, shaking as he tried to suppress the anger.

A cold, unpleasant fury.

Vanillite flew into his arms and clung there, still weeping.

From:

gold_drum

Gold stays curled up, eyes closed, but when the hit he expects doesn't come at all, he wonders why. He carefully opens an eye, and sees the anger in Trip's eyes, and the crying Vanillite, and has a sudden, cold realization.

This was why nobody would ever love Gold. Because he wasn't like Trip. Trip was kind, loving, and didn't hit people even when he was angry. And Gold wasn't like that. Gold was like his mother, and he'd get mad and hit people and yell at them, just like her. Even though he hated her so much.

Now Trip was finally going to realize Gold wasn't worth anything. And Gold couldn't even blame him for it, because Gold hurt somebody Trip loves.

Gold says nothing, since there's nothing he can say to make things better. He doesn't cry, because he doesn't deserve to. He just closes his eyes and waits, resigned.

From:

serperiority

Trip focused on Vanillite until Vanillite's crying quieted into sniffles.

"... what Gold said wasn't true. He just doesn't know how treat you. It was my fault. I shouldn't have left you two alone before seeing if you'd get along. You can go inside, now, Vanillite. Thank you for your hard work."

Vanillite nodded a bit, feeling a bit better, but still not her usual energetic self, before being sent away.

Trip did not know how to deal with Gold yet, although he was trying his best to stay calm. The rage subsided and was replaced with some sort of dull apathy.

He went off to his own room, not sure yet how to handle this situation and having nothing kind to say to Gold right now.

From:

gold_drum

Gold waits, and waits, in silence where there's no sound but Vanillite's sniffles, and Mycen's worried, quiet chirps, as he pokes gently at Gold. When Trip starts talking, Gold flinches reflexively, but relaxes when he realizes Trip's not even talking to him.

He stays still even after Trip leaves the room.

Gold knows he was in the wrong. He knows it was wrong to shout at Vanillite. If it was Trip, he'd have been kind and understanding, just like he was towards Gold every time he did something wrong until now. Once again, Gold is awed by how great of a person Trip is.

He finally opens his eyes, looking at Mycen, who's been prodding at him this whole time. Gold gathers Mycen in his arms and hugs him, emotionally worn and hollow.

"I wish I was like Trip," Gold says quietly. Saying it out loud opens the dam and he starts crying, making barely any noise. After all, crying loudly is bad and annoying, and he doesn't want to bother Trip any more than he already has.

Mycen hugs Gold. He doesn't really understand what went wrong, but he knows how to offer comfort.

From:

serperiority

He was going to hit Gold. He was going to hit a child. A child he thought he could save, a child he KNEW came from a bad home.
He was an adult alright, every bit as cruel, scummy, and unclean as the rest of them. He wasn't any better than Gold's mother. Is this how she felt? Is this all it took to become just like them? He thought he could save him. He thought he could be just a little better than the rest, he really thought he wouldn't be like this.
What an idiot. How could he be kind and gentle if a cold and calculating monster's all he's been?

No, even cold isn't right... if he were calm and cold like he tried to be, he wouldn't have lost control like that, wouldn't have been consumed with anger.

He looked to his bag—oh, it had been unzipped... probably to take out the food Gold ate, the wrapper of the sandwich he bought for him that Gold dropped on the floor when he was about to hit him.

He was the worst. It wasn't a surprise, really, but the depth of it was new.

He rummaged through his things to find a map, scowled and studied it with blurry vision, furious at his own weakness and cruelty. What, was he seriously going to cry now? Suck it up.

There weren't any churches here, nor orphanages... there were plenty of temples. Did temples take abandoned children? Trip had no idea.

He knew enough not to drop him on some stranger's doorstep, but leaving him at a temple, maybe, after buying him some clean clothes and a backpack... should he write a note? An explanation, so he'd be taken by someone who could treat him better than he could...

"My name is Gold. I had to steal to survive. I come from a bad home. I'm still learning right from wrong. Please be patient with me and treat me kindly."

Would that really be enough? The cynical side of him didn't think it would be. They could hide the note if they wanted him adopted faster or people could promise to take care of him, then just kick him out when they were sick of him...

He crumpled the note and buried it in his jacket pocket. He left the map by his feet.

Not wanting to scare Gold with a loud and heavy sigh he might mistake for one of anger, he just buried his face in his arms, knees drawn up to his chest, and tried to bury his feelings, stubbornly refusing to shed a tear, even if his throat was knotted, and stayed on the floor, behind the bed, so anyone who opened the door only to glance inside wouldn't see him.

From:

gold_drum

((Gold: wow i love how trip doesn't hit or abandon me! he's so nice!
Trip: i almost hit him so i'd better abandon him))

After some time spent crying and cuddling Mycen, Gold decides, kind of abruptly, that he's had enough of this. He doesn't deserve to sit around feeling sorry for himself. He was the one in the wrong, so he has to at least try to apologize. It was scary, but Trip wasn't like Gold's mother, so it should be fine.

Gold sets Mycen down and wipes his face on his blanket, and then, after some consideration, leaves the blanket behind. He doesn't need it for safety or to hide in. He has to face Trip head on.

He heads to the door to Trip's bedroom, Mycen's claws softly clicking against the floor as he follows him. Stopping in front of the door, Gold takes a deep breath, before opening the door.

"...Trip?" he asks, surprised when he doesn't see the older boy inside. He looks around, a bit worried. Trip didn't escape through the window or anything, right? He wouldn't have abandoned Gold here that suddenly, right? Gold stays at the door, a cold anxiety gathering at his throat, eyes flitting around as he tries to will Trip into appearing out of nowhere.

From:

serperiority

He froze. Did he have to come find him so soon?

Well, maybe it was about time to get going, he couldn't sit here forever...

Trip slowly rose, after taking the map, as if nothing were wrong.

"We're going to the market, aren't we? We should get going."

He didn't seem to want to discuss anything that happened. Brushing it under the rug wasn't the right thing to do, but... if Gold wanted to say something, he might have to say it quickly.

From:

gold_drum

Gold breathes a sigh of relief when Trip rises up. But why was he on the floor? Gold stares as Trip just takes the map and talks like it's nothing, kind of unnerved.

"Why were you on the floor? Are you okay?" he finds himself asking. Then he realizes, no, that's not the first thing he should've said. "I'm sorry." There. It's too late, but at least he said it. He waits for Trip's response, nervous.

From:

serperiority

“… I tripped,” Trip said, failing to come up with something more convincing in time.

He hadn’t expected to be asked and the concern was so alien to him, he felt embarrassed.

From:

serperiority

Why was Gold… apologizing?

He knew what he did was wrong.

His voice took on an edge, for a moment, as he felt some anger seep back in.

“… you shouldn’t have spoken to Vanillite that way. It’s only a child.”

A pause, then, Trip added more gently:
“… I know I don’t really have the right to lecture you, since I shouldn’t have treated you like that. I guess I wasn’t really cut out for this, like I thought I was…”

From:

gold_drum

Trip tripped, huh. It's a shame the moment was like this, or Gold might find that funny.

Gold ducks his head, chastised, and wrings the bottom of his hoodie in his hands.

"...I know. I shouldn't have yelled. But it's bad for kids to cry loudly like that. Only bad kids do that," he says hollowly, repeating what he's internalized over the years. He knows it's not a good excuse, he just wants to explain why he did what he did. A part of him really thought screaming like that would help Vanillite, because it helped himself stop.

"You didn't do anything wrong!" Gold insists, looking up. "You're great! You're a really nice person! It's not your fault I'm so bad at being..." Gold makes a frustrated noise, trying to think of words to communicate what he wants to say. "I'm bad at being taught! I don't ever learn what you're trying to teach me, but I... I want to try harder! I want to learn to be like you, so... So please don't feel bad!"

Gold breathes hard after that outburst, still feeling like he couldn't really communicate everything right. It's like there's a storm inside him and Gold can only grab onto the leaves flying in the storm and offer them to Trip.

From:

serperiority

He listened and it began to make sense. What
harsh reasoning. Is that how he was treated? He wasn't too surprised, parents can be harsh about crying.

"... they'll cry because they need to. They're just kids. They'll grow up eventually. Just leave them alone if you can't handle it—"

From:

serperiority

A really nice person, who?! Trip?!

Trip blinked, looking incredulous, then even laughing a bit, although he felt terribly guilty.

He wasn't. He knew he wasn't.

"... your standards are unbelievably low, it's kind of impressive. I'm not nice, you just haven't seen enough decent people. You'll change your mind eventually. It's good enough that you're trying your best, you'll learn... you'll be able to get along with good people."

From:

gold_drum

"Is it okay to leave it alone?" Gold asks, wringing his hoodie. "Um, I mean... if somebody's being a bad kid, you have to tell them to stop... right? So... so it's not okay to let it continue... Or, um... Is it?" There's something he's trying to say, but can't quite manage. Is it actually okay to cry loudly? Or is it only allowed for Vanillite and not Gold? Or was it actually wrong for Gold's mother to yell at him to shut up all this time? Gold doesn't know, and he's scared to know. A part of him is really envious of Vanillite, and he doesn't want to let it show, since Trip loves Vanillite so much. He doesn't want to know if Vanillite has special privileges Gold doesn't get, just because Vanillite is Trip's favorite.

Gold frowns when Trip laughs. He doesn't think he said anything worth laughing at.

"You are nice, though," Gold says, very certain of that. "You're nice to me, even though I'm a bad kid. And you... you get it. Good people are... they're different." Gold frowns, trying to haltingly explain. "Good people think there's only good people and bad people, and they hate bad people. So I can't get along with them. They hate me. And you're not like that! You're nice! I won't change my mind on that."

It's like something's opened, and Gold feels like he's managing to talk about things he's never really been able to say before, to anyone but himself. Of course, they might be things that only make sense to himself.

From:

serperiority

... he can't really give him up, can he?

He felt it would be better for Gold, but, he still saw them as alike... Trip still thought he might not be fit to care for him, like he might be a threat or a danger to him, but for now, they just had to get him what he needed, right?

"I think... you're definitely closer to good than I am, even if neither of us fit that kind of black and white, good and evil, kind of simplified world of ideals. There's a lot of shades of grey in between."

He thought more about what Gold said, while pulling on his bag, getting ready to go out, before answering.

"Because it isn't doing anything wrong. Crying doesn't make you a 'bad kid,' your mother's just a—

He had to stop himself from saying anything too awful about Gold's mother. He didn't even really know her all that well, but from the little he's heard about her from Gold and seen in Gold's behaviour... he had nothing good to say about her.

"Some people just aren't fit to be parents. Kids cry. It's a fact of life. It's not exactly bad behaviour you have to stop or correct or anything, even if some people act like it is."

He held out his hand again, ready to go, and waiting for Gold to hold it, so they won't be separated.

From:

gold_drum

"Nuh-uh, I think you're closer to good than me," Gold says. "But we're both in the shades of grey." He nods, thinking that's kind of a cool phrase.

Gold follows after Trip, picking up Mycen along the way.

"A bitsh?" Gold eagerly fills the sentence Trip leaves unfinished, practically sparkling. A part of him has been longing to say bad things about his mother, but has been too afraid to.

Still, it's a surprise and a relief to hear Trip say it's fine for kids to cry, and that Gold's mother isn't fit to be a parent. It fills Gold with warm feeling, but also some regret. And because of that, when Trip holds out his hand, he hesitates for a moment. He feels like he doesn't deserve it yet.

"Um, I won't yell at your Pokemon anymore. I'm sorry," he says, genuinely regretful. And only after that, he reaches out to hold Trip's hand.

From:

serperiority

A small, rueful smile, but no protest from Trip. He wasn’t going to argue against Gold’s assessment of him, even if he felt it too generous.

Oh, geez.
Trip blinked at Gold filling in the blank, then smiled a bit uneasily.

It’s not like he could deny that, even if he hated hearing such rude language. He would have to let this one slide, then.

“… apology accepted,” Trip said, holding Gold’s hand.

At the door, Serperior waited, peering in when Trip approached the door. It seems he had been waiting for Trip to deal with things on his own in there, perhaps on orders.

There you go, Gold, the only one of Trip’s Pokemon you found cool-looking is here! He has a piercing gaze and doesn’t look very friendly, rather haughty and cold instead, although its gaze lingered on the joined hands.

Trip kept his other hand in his pocket and crumpled the note he wrote up further, thinking he ought to destroy it soon.

From:

gold_drum

Yay for getting away with swearing! Yay for having his apology accepted! And yay for handholding!

After that awful start, today is turning out way better than expected for Gold. And there's Serperior too! Gold's got his hands full, carrying Mycen and holding hands with Trip, but he smiles at Serperior. Not only is Serperior cool-looking, but Gold thinks he's the most Trip-like of all of Trip's Pokemon he's seen, the cold and haughty gaze included. It's comforting.

It's the first time in a while Gold's really felt like smiling, and when he realizes that his smile slowly falls. It feels like if he starts smiling, if he starts taking his happiness in stride, he'll just lose it. So he walks with Trip, doesn't look at Serperior, and doesn't smile.

"Where are we going?" Gold asks.

From:

serperiority

Serperior looked mildly surprised at the smile, but didn’t respond. He deemed it an odd reaction.

He did, however, notice Gold’s smile fade and wondered if it was because he hadn’t smiled back. He glanced at Trip, Trip looked a bit wary and wondered if Gold could somehow tell he had intended to give him up today… no, there’s no way he could have! It wasn’t logical.

“… unless you’re still hungry, to the market to buy you clothes of your own and a bag. What we intended to do yesterday, remember?”

Should he ask if something’s bothering him…?

“Are you alright?”

From:

gold_drum

"Oh, right." Gold nods. He remembers now. They couldn't go to all the shops Trip wanted to go to because Gold had slowed them down. Today, he's going to go all out. "I'm not hungry. We can go right away."

Gold's a bit surprised at the question, and the strange looks.

"I'm fine. Why?" Everything is normal. Not smiling is normal, right? But he tries faking a smile anyway, if not smiling is the issue. It doesn't look much better than the last time he tried.

From:

serperiority

"Great. Although... come to think of it, I haven't had breakfast yet, since I'd usually have it after training."

He was up pretty early and worrying about Vanillite had him stop training rather abruptly. "Maybe I should take something to eat on the way, then..."

That fake smile is still so creepy.

"Um. Yeah, don't... force it."

It really isn't convincing and it puts off both trainer and Pokemon, although Trip appreciated the effort.

"Serperior was just wondering if you were alright, that's all."